Blog Post #1: A Zombie's Analysis of the Human Braaaaiiiin

Other folks in this class seem to be starting off their blog posts with the story of how they chose to sign up for this course. I can't do that. Why not? Because in our community, I am a zombie. Zombies don't care about studies or education. Those are luxuries for the soft, weak humans to discuss over the campfires as they huddle together in the ruins of their decadent civilization, humoring the children with fantasies of a rebuilt society in order to keep them from revealing their location with sobs of despair. This is the zombie's world now. All that matters is getting past the barricades and feasting on the human flesh inside.

With that in mind, how can a zombie relate to the materials that we've studied so far in this class (to keep this post from devolving into endless repetition of the word "braaaaaiiins", I'll assume that the zombie horde gathering outside the Home on the Brainge has at least some agency and capacity for strategic thought)? It seems to me that the overarching theme of everything we saw and read, including "Spoiler," "The Walking Dead," and "You Zombie and You," was humans' emotional reaction to zombies. It's much more complicated, and much more problematic for a human survivor, than I would have imagined. Since the real-world zombie craze is so widespread, and so many people have gotten obsessed with it to the point where the Hornady corporation is actually manufacturing "zombie" ammunition, it seemed to me like some people were excited about the idea of getting to run around an empty world, blasting the undead without the unpleasant moral implication of shooting live human beings.

No, seriously, I'm not making that ammo thing up. It's right here: http://www.hornady.com/ammunition/zombiemax

But the article "Your Zombie and You" and the clip from "The Walking Dead" paint a much grimmer picture. As is often the case for fans of post-apocalyptic literature, everyone assumes that they and their loved ones will be among the survivors. Nobody wants to imagine their merry, bloody, zombie-killing spree being cut short by seeing an undead family member shuffling their way. Because once that happens, it's impossible to push away the doubt. Even the slightest possibility that some of the victim's personality might be buried inside is enough to cloud their mind. Morgan has no problem shooting zombies at point-blank range to save a stranger. But when it's his wife's face in the scope, he loses his edge and can't go through with it. As Derksen and Hick would say, he's worrying about Uncle Rege. It's also important to remember that, since humans tend to overthink these things (not that I care, it only makes their braaaaaaiiiins softer), accepting that a part of Morgan's wife is still inside the zombie would mean more than just killing her. It would also mean that he had already killed people who had once been friends and family to others. Essentially, it would make him a murderer. Perhaps there is an airtight solution to this ethical problem, but it's not easy to find, and Morgan finds himself trying to unravel a philosophical dilemma while simultaneously holding off a horde of zombies closing in on his house. The painfully (or hilariously, if you're a zombie) ironic thing about his situation is that while he struggles to figure out whether zombies have rational agency, his own rational agency is making it harder to stay alive.

So, fellow zombies, what lesson can we take from this? Fear and doubt are powerful weapons against those still burdened with emotion. Whenever the humans charge into battle, there will always be that little voice in the back of their heads, whispering that they might be murdering other humans. They will hesitate. They might even back down. But whatever the case, some will hold back out of ethical uncertainty, and we can use this. When we rush the fences of the military compound where they hide, let's make sure that anyone who used to live in this geographic area before being bitten, is on the front line. We'll increase the chances of a human soldier seeing the face of someone he or she used to know, and that second of hesitation may be all we need.

Which brings me to "Spoiler." Many of the same points are brought up that film; the ethics of killing an infected family member, rational agency, etc. But there was something else I noticed, something that could make for a very dark sequel. The apartment complex in "Spoiler" was inside what appeared to be a gated community with state-of-the-art security and quarantine systems. So...what's outside that community? I find it hard to believe that every single person on the other side of the gate is a zombie. How could a small community sustain that kind of lifestyle in total isolation? A more likely scenario is that they've closed their doors to anyone outside and made some very tough decisions about resource distribution and population control. There could be thousands of poor, desperate survivors camped out in the wastelands just beyond the gates, always looking for a way in, while the ones inside live every day knowing that their loved ones could be locked into a small room and incinerated by the ever-present police force at a moment's notice. That kind of ruthless, authoritarian society can't last forever. The threat of zombies is likely the only thing keeping them from turning on each other over political differences. In fact, "Your Zombie and You" referenced the film "Land of the Dead, which is a perfect example. The rich live in a high, safe tower while the poor are in the gutter, first to go when the undead break through. As intelligent as those zombies may have been, it was a human rebellion that lit the powderkeg which brought down the city.

As zombies, let's fan the flames a little. We all love to eat human flesh, but why should we have to do all the work of killing it first? Let's let the humans pick up some of the load. Instead of making endless, pointless attempts to break through the walls, we should pull back and spread out. After all, we have to face facts: sneaking past complex security systems just isn't our area of expertise. Humans, on the other hand, are great at that kind of thing. So let's fan out and overrun the countryside. Let rumors spread that the compound is no longer under attack, and then go after the ones left outside. Drive them to the fences until there is another horde clamoring to get inside, only this horde isn't dragging their rotted body parts, it's crying and shouting and holding up children, begging for shelter. What will the military do then? Shoot them? If they do that, it will shatter the community. The civilians will be outraged; they'll turn against the defense forces, and the ruling council will have to take sides. In the end, there will either be a civil war that will leave the humans decimated and weak, or some will try to escape. In both cases, they'll be playing right into our cold, dead hands.

In conclusion, my rotting comrades, we make them choose between their humanity and their survival. Even if we could feel guilty, there's no need to. I've already shown that braaaaaiiiiiins make life more difficult for the humans, so we're really doing them a favor by getting rid of them.