Let me preface this quick story with two disclaimers for the internet. 1.The medical procedures I describe in this post are legal if done by a licensed medical provider (I am one and so is the person described in the post). 2. I am 21 years old and can legally consume as much alcohol as I want...yeah I'm a big boy. Also if you dont like needles...dont read...sorry if you just passed out, you'll be fine unless you hit your head..then call 911..maybe ill see ya. DONT TRY THIS AT HOME.
I officially finished my undergraduate studies last Tuesday. I have had a weird year knowing I have a job lined up and I am super lucky for that...some would say I'm a boss. Anyway, finishing college called for a good amount of celebration. Now, in the week and certainly last few days leading up to the day I became a zombie I did not take good care of myself. I am normally pretty healthy...I run, drink lots of water, and eat my veggies (except broccoli fuck broccoli it sucks and my kids will never be forced to eat it). But in the throws of exams and final papers I did not take care of myself. I slept 2-4 hours a night and drank coffee..only coffee for 3 days. What is the result? Extreme dehydration and sleep depravation. Typical college. Now, it is also allergie season. I get em bad (thank you mom and dad for raising me in a sheltered air conditioned environment) so of course I go to the drug store every two weeks and promise I wont make meth with sudafed and claritin D. I swear I dont make meth but I wish I did sometimes, breaking bad looks like fun. Anyway, you shouldnt take the two drugs together...you are blocking too many receptors if you take too many antihistamines...I know that...but shit I hate sneezing and snotting on my friends and family so I combine the two. This also dehydrates me and thins my blood.
So what does any college student do upon any accomplishment from tying ones shoes in the morning to finishing college...they drink. I drank a lot. A lot...i dont really know how much. I dont often drink so much that I forget how much I drank or what I did. I know I spent a lot of money (credit cards are evil and make us all zombies). If i bought you a drink i certainly saw people from class...I know I talkled about zombies....i'd like a drink sometime.
So I was a zombie..I had no agency...i was running on purely instinct and all I wanted was brains (KKD sandwiches) and yes I got some brains...according to my bank of america visa...sweet. I was in a pack of zombies because all of my friends who went with me also suffered from the same lack of memory and funds. Im sure we had fun and we all ended up not in jail or dead so thats good. Also, ive always wondered what its like to work at KKD around 2 in the morning...im sure most people seem like zombies, gruntin their order and slouching in the corner.
I woke up...still drunk and literally dry...no fluid in my body with a pounding head ache super cold to the touch. (Here is where you stop reading if you dont like needles) So being an EMT (I wont name the squad but you can figure it out I guess) I see a lot of super dehydrated zombies mostly because of herion (drugs suck and they ruin your life). Those people need fluids bad. I needed fluids bad. Now, you may be asking, why the hell did you get up and go get water and go back to sleep. I didnt think I could move...I was a zombie with no body..just a brain that was not really functioning. I made a phone call to a friend who is an ER technician (she is not a registered nurse yet) at some hospital...I told her that I had an emergency and when she got off work I would need 4 bags of fluid, a lock, needle, and a flush, some tape, and gauze. She came over an hour later with the tools and we brought back to life. I did the insert (i didnt want her to be responsible if I hurt myself) and frankly i'm impressed. I had her ductape the bags to my wall and I just went down the line switching the chords.
http://hangoverheaven.com/