Apocalypse Fashion

So the zombies are in the next town over.  You have a few minutes to scrounge together a backpack of clothing and supplies before you hit the road for safer ground.  Now we all know through this class, the countless movies, and literature we have read what kind of supplies we need to bring.  But now we must answer the question that plagues millions of women (and men) everyday... 'What am I supposed to wear?'  For the purposes of this class, and for the maximum benefits to us all, let us set this scene in our current location, Burlington, Vermont.  Here are some tips to keep your choices quick, concise, and looking fresh... to death. 

1. Ridiculous Hat 

I could have started off with the more sensible but the world no longer makes any sense, right?  Remember that cowboy hat you bought for that ONE country concert you went to try to impress some PBR loving chick from your Psych class?  The one that feels absurd to wear anywhere north of the Mason-Dickson?  Yes.  Dig it out from the back corners of your closet, and stick it right on your head.  Is there a practical use for the stupid hat- no. But it is the end of the world and you have kept it for this long on the promise that it would be useful one day. And that day is today my friend, because you may never live another.  So add a little confident-bad-assery to your wardrobe and dust off that sombrero/ spirit-animal/ army-navy-surplus helmet and own it.  One day you could serve as an amusing quirky zombie (see picture above).

2. Layers

Not only for fashion but for function, adding layers to your wardrobe makes you adaptable to hormonal weather but also ensures a spare shirt if the first is torn off your back.  

3. Stay Neutral

No one likes the guy who wears neon pink pants in the end of the world.  Really it's trashy, and makes you kind of a douche-bag.  Remember, everyone likes the hat guy.  Neutral colors and earth tones make you less of a target.  Try to create a color palate reminiscent of the green mountains as they stand, a lot of hunter greens, blacks and deep browns.  If the Hunger Games taught us anything, it was that camouflage is the key.

  

4. Quality Over Quantity

Now is not the time for American Eagle quality jeans, or Old Navy sweatshirts.  Now is the time for that patagonia capilene that you only wear when you go camping.  It is time for that Irish Knit sweater an obscure aunt gave you for your birthday three years ago.  And it is sure as hell time for those Bean Boots.  It't not about brand name necessarily, but well made.  You want the strong, the double-stitched the reinforced seams.  These clothes are going to have to last you for a long time.  Although they may not be your favorite, but you will learn to love them.

5.  Weaponize

Although a weapon is beneficial for obvious reasons, it gives you a more regal manner.  Slinging a bow over your shoulder or strapping that holster onto your hip sends a message.  One, don't even try and fuck with me.  And too, it's the end of the world and I couldn't look better. 

Now dont forget to pack your toothbrush and some extra underwear.  But walk outside with your head held high and a cool confidence of style because, baby, you will be somebody's choice to help repopulate this savage world.