Didn’t mean to disregard the final post and so it goes. I also wasn’t really sure where to take this; we’ve literally covered everything related to zombies that I can think of. Then I remembered the one problem/question/whatever I’ve always had with the zombie genre that no one seems to be concerned with: zombie teeth. Considering that the archetypical zombie spends his, or her, time preoccupied with thoughts of human flesh and brains it’s only logical to assume that they would need a sturdy set of chompers to get the job done. But wait, zombies are in a constant state of putrefaction so wouldn’t that apply to their teeth as well? I’ve asked this question to a number of individuals, both z-classmates and random non-classmates, and found that no one else seems to care. Brutal. Even so, I remain dedicated to uncovering the mystery behind zombie teeth…a seemingly impossible task considering that zombies aren’t real (#nooffense). Naturally, I started with google. The results were less than stellar, not yielding much beyond costume zombie teeth and DIY YouTube videos. I pushed on and found The Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency with an entire section dedicated to “The Science of Zombies.” Interesting (enough) stuff.
Here’s a picture of the zombie jaw:
Normal jaw on the left; zombie jaw on the right (with a larger jawbone and thicker muscle). Allegedly, “Important modifications occur to the zombie jaw. Extra bone is deposited on the lower jaw to form an attachment point for larger chewing muscles. These adaptations enable zombies to bite through skull and bone and get at the pillars of their diet: brains and bone marrow.” Wow, cool. I decided to believe that this was possible…I have little to no evidence to the contrary and I don’t know anything about biology (human or otherwise) so I can’t hypothesize.
Beyond that, “zombie teeth are not adapted to the powerful forces exerted on them by the jaw. Teeth crack and fall out, and the holes they leave behind leak sludge-like zombie blood. Eventually, all their teeth are gone, and a zombie is forced to chew with its exposed jawbones.” Wow, neat. Again, I decided to believe FVZA. I suppose it makes sense using the typical representation of zombies, considering that their super-human strength and indifference or insensitivity to pain would allow them to disregard the whole teeth situation. Unless they do care, which they might, but that’s not what this is about. Humans can already do a great deal of damage with their teeth, so it doesn’t seem like a stretch to imagine zombified versions biting through skin and skull with equal success. They would simply chomp down full force on whatever body part they can, until the teeth, or exposed jaw for the toothless, connects with the opposite side.
I tried to find other “credible” resources to answer this question, but that wasn’t a thing. So I’m left with what's above as the only seemingly plausible, non-Yahoo user generated response to my question. I would be lying if I said I was satisfied, but there it is. Zombies have teeth, unless they don’t, and either way they’ll try to bite you and it will hurt.
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